The Cereal List / Eat it!

Hundreds of gay composers–and a few straight composers who write gay music–gathered for a “kiss-in” at the headquarters of New World Records in New York City this past weekend.  Their purpose was to persuade the classical music record label to produce additional installments of Composers Recordings International’s (CRI’s) series of albums celebrating gay and lesbian composers.

In the 1990s, CRI released the compilation albums Gay American Composers and Lesbian American Composers.  CRI went out of business in 2003, and the rights to its recordings were transferred to New World Records.

But some protestors have no faith that New World Records will carry the LGBT torch.  In fact, one group is starting its own grassroots record label, Agenda Recordings, headed by gay composer icon Robert Moran.  According to Moran, Agenda Recordings will “secretly recruit employees of New World and other mainstream labels to pose for semi-nude photographs on the album covers.”

The Japanese government is not happy with the physical appearance of their recent female musical exports and has taken bold steps to control and limit who is able to become a professional musician. During a press conference today, officials bemoaned the recent drop in attractiveness of many of their female musicians, saying that they have not been doing enough to uphold the standards of kawaii cultivated methodically by generations of giggling Japanese girls in sailor suits. Stopping just short of nipping the buds and shooting the kids, government officials announced the appointment of Midori to the newly created post of Minister of Cuteness. All aspiring female musicians are now required to submit a portfolio of six photos, three of which must be candid, displaying the range of cuteness they are capable of conjuring. Applicants will be evaluated on both “classic” cuteness as well as their potential to develop new forms. Those who fail the audition process are given the choice of becoming a housewife, an OL, or the indigenous cultural oddity known as Ganguro. Musical ability will not be considered under any circumstances.

Information released today shows that classical music is reaching new demographics. As part of an initiative to bring classical music to underserved and underprivileged inner city youth, publisher Boosey & Hawkes sponsored the commission of a new work that was premiered at the program’s opening event in Washington, DC.

The Cereal List has obtained a video excerpt of the performance:

While initial reactions to Bling Bling appeared to be overwhelmingly positive, The Cereal List has uncovered some information that suggests a hint of animosity. It seems that just after the work’s premiere a new term found its way into the Urban Dictionary. No word yet on what Hawkes is street slang for.

Editor’s Note: The Cereal List is pleased to welcome Vietnamese-American countertenor, Ludwig Van, to the aggregate as our Diversity Correspondent. Mr. Van lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with his partner, Rod Xavier, and their cat, “Butch Cassidy,” and Pomerian, “Little Bear.”

Okay, so we’ve elected our first black president and recently confirmed our first Hispanic Supreme Court Justice (a female, to wit), but our country still has a lot of work to do to get rid of long-held racial stereotypes, even when most of them are true.

Angella, Lucia, and Maria Ahn of the Ahn Trio are determined to set the record straight when it comes to Asian women. I recently caught up with the Ahn sisters and took a photograph of them. The photograph itself dispels several of the most common stereotypes:

I asked the Ahn sisters what assumptions people make about Korean women. Maria replied immediately, “Oh, people always say ‘Your parents must have been really strict,’ just because they’re Korean. But actually our parents are pretty laid back.”

Angella agreed, “Yeah, and it’s not like they choose our husbands for us or anything! In fact, they sent us to Juilliard so we could find a good man on our own.”

Lucia interrupted, “Which is much easier when you have a classical music pedigree!” The trio laughed while clapping their hands together.

I spoke for quite some time about my own taste in men. Then I asked the sisters if they had eyes for anyone in particular. ”Nicholas Cage is pretty hot,” Lucia said, “but he is such a racist.” There was a moment of silence before Angella said, “Yeah, but with all that money, just imagine how many Prada handbags you could buy!”