The Cereal List / Eat it!

Following their recent (separate) trips to North Korea, the New York Philharmonic and Former President Bill Clinton have joined forces and are seeking opportunities to rescue hostages in foreign countries using what they are calling “the universal language of music, through which all people can come together and celebrate beauty.”

This news comes on the heels of the Philharmonic’s season opening concert with its new CEO/conductor Alan Gilbert, the young hipster whose mother seems to have got him the job, and who is determined to shake things up at the doddery institution.

For their hostage-rescuing concerts, Mr. Clinton and the Philharmonic will perform emotional renditions of democracy-spreading works for narrator and orchestra, including Aaron Copland’s Lincoln Portrait, Joseph Schwanter’s New Morning for the World, and a new work composed by John Williams entitled Diplomatic Sonorities.

The Cereal List awaits word of who will be the embedded reporter for these escapades (Smith? Midgette? Wakin?).

Yefim Bronfman, the burly pianist with the decidedly masculine touch, was forced to cancel several engagements after slipping into a food coma brought on by his participation as a judge on the Food Network’s Iron Chef America show. Bronfman was apparently unprepared for the quantity of food he was made to ingest, though Iron Chef executives were dismissive of such accusations, saying that all jurors are required to watch Padma Laksmhi’s instructional DVD on how to be an Iron Chef judge.

We have it on good authority that Bronfman is recovering at the luxurious home of former American Idol judge Paula Abdul. The two are planning a comeback as judges for the new reality-TV show, Sing It, Play It, Eat It! According to the press release, contestants will be forced to eat an unreasonable amount of “undercooked and ill-prepared exotic foods.”

Editor’s Note: The Cereal List is pleased to welcome Vietnamese-American countertenor, Ludwig Van, to the aggregate as our Diversity Correspondent. Mr. Van lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with his partner, Rod Xavier, and their cat, “Butch Cassidy,” and Pomerian, “Little Bear.”

Okay, so we’ve elected our first black president and recently confirmed our first Hispanic Supreme Court Justice (a female, to wit), but our country still has a lot of work to do to get rid of long-held racial stereotypes, even when most of them are true.

Angella, Lucia, and Maria Ahn of the Ahn Trio are determined to set the record straight when it comes to Asian women. I recently caught up with the Ahn sisters and took a photograph of them. The photograph itself dispels several of the most common stereotypes:

I asked the Ahn sisters what assumptions people make about Korean women. Maria replied immediately, “Oh, people always say ‘Your parents must have been really strict,’ just because they’re Korean. But actually our parents are pretty laid back.”

Angella agreed, “Yeah, and it’s not like they choose our husbands for us or anything! In fact, they sent us to Juilliard so we could find a good man on our own.”

Lucia interrupted, “Which is much easier when you have a classical music pedigree!” The trio laughed while clapping their hands together.

I spoke for quite some time about my own taste in men. Then I asked the sisters if they had eyes for anyone in particular. ”Nicholas Cage is pretty hot,” Lucia said, “but he is such a racist.” There was a moment of silence before Angella said, “Yeah, but with all that money, just imagine how many Prada handbags you could buy!”