The Japanese government is not happy with the physical appearance of their recent female musical exports and has taken bold steps to control and limit who is able to become a professional musician. During a press conference today, officials bemoaned the recent drop in attractiveness of many of their female musicians, saying that they have not been doing enough to uphold the standards of kawaii cultivated methodically by generations of giggling Japanese girls in sailor suits. Stopping just short of nipping the buds and shooting the kids, government officials announced the appointment of Midori to the newly created post of Minister of Cuteness. All aspiring female musicians are now required to submit a portfolio of six photos, three of which must be candid, displaying the range of cuteness they are capable of conjuring. Applicants will be evaluated on both “classic” cuteness as well as their potential to develop new forms. Those who fail the audition process are given the choice of becoming a housewife, an OL, or the indigenous cultural oddity known as Ganguro. Musical ability will not be considered under any circumstances.