Euphonium players, your stress-related acne will soon clear up. Bassoonists, now’s the time to straighten those curls. Tuba players, you no longer need be ashamed of your rashes! You can all breathe a collective sigh of relief because the contra-alto clarinet took top honors at last weekend’s “Least Sexy Instrument” competition.

“It was a tough choice,” said Gary Beavers, a world renowned ophicleidist who served on the jury. “Some argued that kissing a brass player, with lips that taste like coins, was far more disgusting than kissing a reed player, but we have to judge based on the instruments, not the instrumentalists.”

“The bassoon and euphonium have many undesirable qualities,” said another jury member known as Rusty Trombone, “but in the end we felt the contra-alto clarinet was the most maladroit and awkward of the finalists.  As far as I’m concerned, it’s only sexy if it’s versatile.”

As a “prize” for winning, players of the contra-alto clarinet can claim a gift certificate for Amazon.com (good for one month) which will allow them to turn in their instruments and learn to play the cello.